Government of India legalizes Rape!

The Government of India today announced rape as a legal activity in order to reduce crime, thus protecting law and order of the country. This came with effect since protesters started to make hungama for the photo journalist who was gang raped in Mumbai hours ago. The Prime Minister fortunately took this opportunity to open his mouth to announce that “The Government of India proposes to acknowledge that rape in India will be legalized. With no severe punishment for it and also less fear among the public or whatsoever, the rape rate in India is going up and is a sector which is growing healthy. We do not have a system to check and keep rape in control. Since it is also illegal, it becomes easy for the party of opposition and also for the general public who in spite of their busy facebook, twitter work to raise voices against the government.  Why should the government take blame for the rapes where none of us were physically involved? It’s not even an event which can fetch us money.  The Government will also soon consider having a special reservation quota for the “rapists” in the government job sector.

Welcoming the PM’s announcement, the Delhi Chief Minister quickly responded with a sigh of relief as her government was under major pressure as most of the rapes had happened in the capital. Now, we will top the chart baby, said her press release.  In addition, she announced monthly emoluments to be provided for those who have committed 5 or more rape attempts in Delhi.

Digvijay Singh tweeted that "this will open up new avenues for our MP’s and MLA’s with a LOL! :-) #Randontweet" , whereas parties led by female leaders across the country jointly “Condom”ned the decision. However, It is also said that keeping in mind of the upcoming 2014 elections all parties jointly welcome the move as many of their MP’s and MLA’s will now have an added privilege approved by the government.

“Ab desh mein koi illegal rape hi nahi hoga tho desh ki ijjat badhegi, agar desh ki ijjat badhti tho Dollar ke against Indian Rupee ki value bhi jaldi hi badhegi”, said the Finance Minister Chidambaram lauding the proposal of the PM. Unofficial sources also says that “Rapist” has been recommended to be listed in profession category of leading social media sites like LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter. However when it comes to job, gang rape will have more value and preferred as it involves team work commented a CEO of a top IT firm who didn’t want to reveal his identity. 

News from Indian Embassy confirms that many men who are working in Middle East countries are planning to relocate to India as soon as possible.  A faking news suspects that there are no possible links between this news and the recent statement from the PM.

Already a petition campaign “STOP legalizing RAPE, let it be illegal” started by Online activists. They believe that by collecting million signatures online they can stop this bill being passed in the parliament and also by collecting another billion signatures they can eventually stop rape. Brilliant!.